The Last Letter From Royal America

In the last two weeks, you’ve received two letters from a future Royal America. After traveling through the time vortex, letters postmarked Royal California reached your eyes. The first one detailed a proud and strong America, led by its King to colonize Cental America and the Caribbean after a century of domestic isolation. The second one described this century of isolation itself: how the American military was brought home from the dunes and hills of the Muslim world and put to work reclaiming America’s dilapidated cities and shifting borders from violent and criminal barbarians.

This last letter came with a warning – the time vortex is closing, soon there’ll be no more letters. No more advice on how to deal with President Clinton II. The letter is written in the conditional – did the following suggestions actually materialize? – but the implication is that it was a serious proposal weighed by the King and his court. No word on what the decision was, but it couldn’t have been too different. Luckily, the last topic is arguably the most important one of all: education of the youth.

Most people lament that K-12 education in America is getting more expensive each year, while simultaneously producing fewer and fewer educated graduates. There are a legion of non-profits, boards, endowments, individuals, movements, and initiatives dedicated to solving this education crisis, which is presented as a monumental and unprecedented challenge that will require the heroic efforts of broad swathes of society, as well as tremendous economic resources.

Homeschooling, charter schools, technology in the classroom, stereotype threat, racial discrimination, teacher unions, teacher salaries, irresponsible parents, school shootings, gangs, negative media influence – the list of footnotes and subheadings in the field of education are endless. And every year, the bill for education grows.

I’m going to pointedly shrug at the cacophony of education crusaders and propose a simple solution that will not only improve the quality of education tenfold, but also save the taxpayers up to 99% of the $154 billion spent on education by the federal government each year. The solution is simple: hand over the entire Department of Education to the Roman Catholic Church.

To begin with, the Church is clearly qualified to accept this role as cultivator of America’s youth. The Church has a nearly 2,000-year-long history of successfully transmitting good habits, knowledge, virtue, institutions, history, and a complex set of traditions from generation to generation. In fact, the Church was one of the long-time pioneers of the field of education. Where do you think universities originated from? Lots of wise and accomplished scientists, saints, and philosophers were members of the Church, and even more were educated or inspired by it.

Copernicus was a Catholic priest. A$AP Rocky attended public schools.

The Church, furthermore, would be ecstatic to accept this responsibility. The Church, quaint as it may seem, still runs primarily on the fuel of faith, virtue, self-denial, self-restraint, and service for the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God. If it used to cost $154 billion to run a national educational system, the Church is going to take those $154 billion U.S. dollars and exchange them for 154 billion faith and virtue credits.

You won’t have to pay this pyramid of priests; they’ll take on the costs themselves at no charge. In return for the responsibility, however, the Church asks permission to indoctrinate its pupils into the faith of the Church. It wants to teach them about the Bible, the trinity, and the eternal sacrifice of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Nothing more.

Why the Roman Catholic Church? Why not another church? It’s sad to hear but, after two years of President Clinton II, the only two churches left with enough national organization and traditionalist credentials to undertake such a monumental task are the Catholic and Mormon churches. Since the former is at least ten times larger in America than the latter, the choice could not be clearer.

You may cringe at the thought of placing the nation’s entire young human crop in the control of celibate ascetics who wear dresses and can’t stop going on about this Jesus Christ guy who lived, like, a million years ago, man. But isn’t religion most deeply believed when it is taught young and taught socially? And isn’t an authentic faith in an established religious tradition a pretty good way to discourage youngsters from skipping class, joining gangs, getting pregnant at 16, doing drugs, being rude, cheating on exams, cyberbullying, hosting rainbow parties, and shooting up their classmates?

Take a moment to ask yourself: if the cost of a permanent end to school shootings is mandatory, universal religious education, are you willing to grant that saving the lives of children is more important than keeping up a never-ending melee between believers and non-believers on the fairly trivial point of the literal truth of the Christian religion? Religious people are more likely to be happy and satisfied with their lives, more likely to reproduce, more likely to have a loving family and community, more likely to give to charity, more likely to be gainfully employed, more likely to save money – you get the picture. They are also less likely to do drugs, be depressed, develop mental problems, join a gang, steal, murder, rape – you get the picture.

If we moved from a nationwide system of mandatory secular public schooling to a nationwide system of mandatory Roman Catholic schooling, it seems logical that the general population would become happier, less atomized, more fulfilled, less criminal – in essence, the Church would achieve the kind of social change the education crusaders are spectacularly failing to achieve right now. On top of that, the country would gain a common culture and frame of reference through the culture and traditions of the Church. National unity and bonhomie would rise to never-before-seen levels. And on top of all that, the taxpayers would be $154 billion richer every year.

At this point the letter ends, and I’m sure you might exclaim in anger that the Catholic Church cannot possibly be allowed to influence the multitudes of Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Mormon, Jewish, etc. kids in America. But now, rather than discussing what to do about education, we’re discussing which state religion we’re going to choose, are we not?

That’s what I call progress.

Mark Yuray is verified on Gab. Follow him there and on Twitter.

Liked it? Take a second to support Social Matter on Patreon!
View All

9 Comments

  1. The RCC is pretty cucked these days. I wonder if the Orthodox would do it if we asked them.

    1. It’s been subverted since Vatican II, but still orders of magnitude above the public school system. The Orthodox, I’m afraid, are simply lacking the necessary manpower.

  2. This beautiful picture of the château de Chillon in Switzerland, a place I know quite well, compels me to reply.

    The blind spot of the plan is how the King proceeds to prevent entryism in the Catholic Church, as cultural marxism has a history of finding its way through education and is already heavily influential in the Church by the time these changes happen.

    Two years into Clinton II, the Roman Catholic Church is still led by an openly Marxist Pope, adept of the liberation theology, and this measure effectively puts him in charge. Once he is, the King can’t impose instructions that directly contradict his word without undermining the authority of its new education structure. I see no easy way to get around that, short of setting up a palace coup in the Vatican to restore a conservative Pope before it happens. Then again, that alone doesn’t solve the strong influence of the progressive current in the Church and its unavoidable consequences in the priests’ teachings, especially at a time when the King needs to rule with an iron fist and lead massive changes in the country’s policy without losing the support of his people.

    Since you don’t have enough priests and seminarians to fill in the needs of the whole country, soon enough you find yourself with thousands of former ED staffers playing with the affiliation to the Catholic Church as the new compliance rule, cunning ideologues ready to play the long game again leading the pack. Conflicts arise between trad and prog bishoprics that can’t be easily dealt with by the Vatican as it echoes its own internal struggles.

    The universities would be in question here too. Even though the legion of useless studies would find themselves quickly cut, the priesthood couldn’t easily fill all the gaps in the valuable higher education sectors. Albeit reduced, their internal influence as a power centre would still be a threat. It could be interesting to have a last letter on how the King dismantled the Cathedral to secure a lasting support from the population.

    Either way, this was entertaining.

    1. You raise good points.

      One thing to remember is that even Pope “Forgive & Forget” Francis is opposed to abortion and the blatant excesses of the LGBT/promiscuity agenda. Removing the sterile and sick public school ideology and replacing it with a soft modernist Catholic ideology would still be a tremendous improvement — such an improvement would probably blow all other attempts to “fix” education and “improve outcomes” out of the water, althought it wouldn’t quite live up to our expectations here at Social Matter.

      Other than that I think the “needs” of the country with regards to education have been enormously exaggerated and overstated by the state. I think the RCC would be capable of figuring out how to successfully educate the country. 90% of universities don’t need to exist, in my opinion. A reorganization of the K-12 curriculum would see at least 50% of the population (the average and below-average of mind) immediately put into trade schools or apprenticeships in their teenage years, not forced to struggle with calculus and civics by teacher-ideologues.

    2. Eh. The King burns heretics at the stake, citing Thomas as his justification. Clucking ensues from the Vatican, but it quiets down when the King keeps burning…

  3. Laguna Beach Fogey June 28, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    Yes. As a Jesuit-educated Roman Catholic from birth, I endorse this message.

    We would still need a solution to the infiltrators, though.

    1. Definitely would like to see some genuine reform of the US Catholic hierarchy, and subsequently its education system. Yes.

  4. save the taxpayers up to 99% of the $154 billion spent on education by the federal government each year.

    That undersells the bill by almost an order of magnitude: States and localities spend and additional $283.3B and $679.3B per year respectively for a grand total of over $1 trillion. The third highest overall gov’t spending bill, next to pensions and healthcare.

    [Added: This does not include private spending. I have no idea how much that adds. There are 77 million ppl enrolled in school in USA (pre-K thru college). Using the gov’t figures alone that’s $13,300 for every enrolled student. Nice work if you can get it. It simply cannot be overstated how much waste inheres to the current educational system.]

  5. Catholics and the church drove the progressive agenda world wide, Catholic Ireland gave women the vote and drove that result here in Protestant America so it’s a dumb, dumb idea

Comments are closed.