Limericks From 1788

With progress our future is bright

Your daughters want sex worker’s rights

The French Revolution

Caused moral pollution

And no one feels safe out at night

 

Frau Merkel’s resolve will not falter

Since Time magazine did exalt her

When she enters a cab

She puts on a hijab

In case the chaffeur might assault her

 

The Constitution a man may deduct

Has for years quite solidly sucked

And my main thrust

Is it’s socially just

To burn it — it’s royally f&*^ed!

 

At Burning Man everyone’s white

And there’s little crime in the night

But stereotype threat

Has never ever met

An obvious truth it can’t fight!

 

There was once was a man named Ahmed

Made a German girl quite lose her head

We’ll keep having anarchy

While we don’t have a monarchy

Let’s bring Stuarts back from the dead

 

The philosopher John Stuart Mill

Gave women individual will

The resulting experiment

Caused all lots of merriment

And society footed the bill

 

A people internalized laws

In a land where the ice never thaws

Now most of their ladies

Refuse to have babies

Except if their babies have paws

 

Young men hate political correctness

Anime is their source of erectness

Old men want a small state

Their voices effeminate

Only tanks have sufficient directness

 

I look around puzzled of late

How things so wrong once were quite great

And our numerous strategies

To roll back insanities

Chinese historians will debate

 

My daughter got into Yale

Holier than the Holy Grail

But to Haiti she went

For white privilege to repent

Now I forgive her killers in jail

 

Anything! they told me with glee

Was what I could choose to be

But at the Starbucks late

I lament my fate

Qualified only to vote for Bernie

 

Society makes women the boss

Epistemologically lost

Some doubt the world’s spherical

Hume says it’s empirical

But I trust the sword and the cross.

Liked it? Take a second to support Social Matter on Patreon!
View All

11 Comments

  1. These are really excellent — and I encourage the readers (hi there) to add their own below!

  2. Great stuff…I’ve just recently found this site and been enjoying it quite a bit.

    I guess I should include one of my own poems…

    Victorian Secret

    Technology will allow us
    (Beyond finite, we trust)
    To live perfect, Godly lives
    (Above need, we strive)
    Without denying our natures
    (Ever yearning for labors)

  3. In London they’ve got a new mayor
    Just one more displacement to bear
    Now soon Shariah
    For the whites, insh’allah
    And now Britain hasn’t a prayer

  4. My principles are merely the kind
    Of which it was easy to find
    Before Napoleon
    And la Révolution
    Infected the Western world’s mind

  5. Ludwig von Kinbote May 7, 2016 at 9:55 pm

    Just as mundane as cleaning the lint trap
    He greets the new day with a quick fap
    Anime might suffice
    She-male twins, also nice
    Then after some tendies, a good nap.

  6. The Dissenting Sociologist May 8, 2016 at 10:37 am

    “America used to be great
    But now it is a failing State
    Her Leftists succeeded
    Her Right-wing receded
    Can Trump save this land from its fate?”

  7. The Dissenting Sociologist May 8, 2016 at 11:01 am

    “I once taught at university
    Til it traded books for Diversity
    Today they all chatter on how Black Lives Matter
    And every known form of perversity”.

    ***

    The following fragment of unknown authorship was widely circulated in Canada when that country adopted a “Charter of Rights and Freedoms” in its Constitution some decades back:

    “You charter your rights
    I’ll charter my rights
    And if your rights and my rights
    Should get into fistfights
    You don’t wanna budge?
    Well here come da judge…”

    1. The rights limerick is choice.

  8. There once was a lib from Nantucket

    So savage he shat in a bucket

    A crawling with fleas

    C’Mon honkey please

    You’re not even worth a brass ducat

  9. 1788: That’s like 14/88, but 300 better!

    1. 300 moar… that’s for sure.

Comments are closed.